Building Your Squad

Beside this Queen is a squad so thorough, it’s amazes me every time I think about it. I can chase my dreams with the confidence that without even asking my crew will dish out offers of assistance and support and a "What you need girl?"  I was blessed (seriously though) to consistently have this astronomical  amount of back up all my life…through pregnancies, break ups, awards, surgeries and more. There are many people who don’t have a support system, or even worse don’t use to their advantage. Yes, I said advantage, not in the exploitation sense, but in the using your resources effectively sense. So, whether you come from a big family or not this is how you build the bomb squad:

1.)    Call people on their bluff-   You know those people who say, “Let me know if you need something” or “call me if you need to talk”.  Perhaps they aren’t bluffing and they are sincere, then hooray for you.  Perhaps that are full of shit. Well... now you know that you can’t count on them, which makes you one step closer to  getting your team because now you know who isn't on it.  In either case, be clear about what it is you need and ask for it, knowing the worst a person can say is no.

2.)    Compartmentalize your needs- and delegate accordingly. Everyone cannot be your everything. Think about the areas where you need it the most, and connect with those who can provide the best support for  you in that area. For example, when I need to vent about my day job, I call on a fellow teacher friend, who understands the lingo and the challenges specific to the field.  When I’m overwhelmed with the being Black in America, then I want to be around my people. Think about it, how backwards would it be for me to seek financial advice from someone who doesn’t have two pennies to rub together?  Someone who you lean on for support with getting closer to God is not necessarily the person who will help you update your resume
3.)    Use the Barter System-  It’s worked for generations. If someone can help you build your website, you can get them to guest passes to your fitness class. This is one of my favorites for single mothers  who need babysitters. Not only are you getting the help you need but you are feel empowered by using your talent or time to help someone else out.

4.)    Family isn’t always first-  my family is huge and I have no problem asking them for help. Most of them have no problem but we all have those shady, self-absorbed, unempathetic family members. If that’s most of your family, then sometimes you must make your own with people who are more trustworthy and consistent.

5.)     Get to know your community- Search the internet and ask what’s available in your community- mental health care providers, support, church/mosque/temple groups, community centers, and their programs. How can you take advantage of free stuff if you don't know about it?

6.)    Get you some YES and NO people -Diversity matters. Sometimes you need that person to pull you in off the ledge and tell you "Hell no! Don't do it."  and " You are wrong."  But you also need someone to tell you, " Hell yeah!  You can do it!"  when you may be hesitant to accept the next challenge. In the same way you need a nice mixture of people who give you the unfiltered truth and those who can break it to gently because sometimes you need a hug and other times you need a kick in the ass.

Whatever it is you are going through, you may feel lonely but you don’t have to be alone. Start taking inventory and stock up as needed. You deserve a BOMB squad!