I Didn't know I was Lost

This magazine cover changed my life. Ok, it didn’t change my life, but it definitely inspired me to make some changes. I was 21 years old and had recently broken off an engagement with my then fiancé and son’s father. Although I knew it was the best decision for me, there was some grieving that had to take place, as with all losses. I had my whole life planned out and it all revolved around my man. I left him, but in my mind he would get himself together and one day we would reconcile. The universe had another plan.

  I remember being home alone, in my bed, bored because my son was at his grandmother’s house. As I flipped through the pages of that magazine and beautiful brown faces looked back at me, my inner voice (which I didn’t even know I had) began to speak to me. She didn’t scold me, but she told me I had lost myself in my relationship, distanced myself from friends and family, and most importantly, forgotten I was once a girl with dreams. I had stopped pursuing them. I was almost done with my bachelor’s degree, but at I was just finishing it to prove those wrong who said I wouldn’t.  I was in robot mode. I hadn’t written poetry in more than 4 years, something I had done regularly since I was 14. My high school friends were living their best lives at HBCUs and I was playing “wifey”, working full time, and caring for my three-year-old. I was existing, but not living. Those beautiful faces showed me this.

 I began to cut out their pictures and quotes and taping them to my bedroom wall.  When I was done, I went through my other magazines and hung up more. When I ran out of space, I started taping to my ceiling…Queen Latifah, Toni  Morrison, Oprah, and on and on. Then powerful phrases came to me organically from words like Beautiful, Strong, Dreams, Joy, Author, Boss etc.  When I was done, I realized I had been at it for more than two hours. I felt like I been born again. With tears of relief in my eyes, I breathed like I had breathed for the first time in forever.

From that day on I slowly began to re-invest in myself, to decide I was going to dream again. I was going to be an author and someone who inspired other people. I didn’t know how I just knew WHAT.  See, what I didn’t know then is that I had actually created my first vision board. Sure it had 4 walls and a ceiling, but it was indeed a vision board. I didn’t even know what it was but just like with any vision board, seeing it every day and every night put me on the path to manifestation. Without even realizing it, I was creating the life I posted on my vision walls. The how didn’t matter, I just swung into action, took the first steps. In return, the universe exposed me to the people and places that instrumental in helping me find the how.

I could go on and on about the lessons one can take from this, but I’d like to hear from you, reader. What are the lessons?