Knowing You

One thing about me that I am appreciating more and more is my self-awareness. Not everyone is there yet. Even when I’m being an A$$hole, I know why. I know when I’ve had too much and I need a break. I am able to listen to the signals my body sends me to let me know it’s time to detox, or it’s time to stop what I’m doing immediately and rest. I know who I am and feel no need to impress people with false appearances and images. When I get dressed I wear what I think feels good and looks good without regard to anyone. ( I love my man, but at the end of the day it’s not to  impress him).I don’t hang around people just because I think they make me look better. I don’t glamorize my position at work or in society.  I know my angles when I get my picture taken, and I know I love to have it taken.  I do 5 hours a week of exercise because I want to look a particular way for me, not because my BMI says I’m overweight. I can admit when I am afraid or when my feelings are hurt. I know when I’m being an emotional eater, or unreasonable. When work emotionally drains me I am conscience that there are better solutions than wine, but that sometimes those other things won’t work as quickly. I despise feeling vulnerable because of some childhood incidents.  I recognize that I feel sad on particular holidays, and I am very in tune to what excites me and discourages me. I know that I love to be inspired as much as I like to inspire others. Why do I say this? Because more and more I’m seeing people who don’t realize that they are unknowingly obsessed with food, ruled by their ego, always looking for validation,  looking for a father figure in a man, hating on others, or just plain lost. I get it in teenagers, but in adults, it irks me. I know we all have issues and everyone deals with them differently (writing has been my salvation) but every now and then I get frustrated. Lately, though, I have actually been feeling blessed and lucky that I am where I am. There was a time that I didn’t get it. Now I do. Being self-aware allows me to step back and look at situations differently. It allows me to understand the behavior of others and empathize, sometimes sympathize. It allows me to plan accordingly and to make more informed decisions. I think people really need to take more time and get to know themselves on a deeper level. It makes life so much more manageable because you do less dumb stuff (I can’t articulate it any better) and you question why less often. Next week I am on vacation from work and while yes, I’ll be hustling as usual, I will continue to make time to listen to my inner self and make sure she is getting all she needs.