Inspiration is Everywhere

So today I woke up and found I released 20 pounds since the end of February. Who-hoo for me. Sure it’s taken discipline, portion control and some serious working out, but I truly couldn’t have done it without inspiration. It literally fell in my lap as I was uploading a youtube video. I came across someone who lost weight and kept a vlog. Then I saw other videos and whenever I wanted to order pizza hut, I visited a vlog or a blog instead. And it worked. But it’s not just in that department. Sometimes I log onto facebook, or flip a channel, see a picture, I hear a quote or see an interview that inspires me to keep moving forward with my dreams, or to not be discouraged by a temporary situation. And music, well that’s a whole other story. Some Jill Scott or India.Aire get me going in the morning.


So why am I able to find it, but others aren’t? I mean I am special, but no more special than the next person. It’s because I am open to it. Each day I look to be inspired, to be a better teacher, a better mother, a better friend. When I say look, I don’t mean search desperately (although sometimes it’s necessary). What I really mean is being OPEN. Knowing that I don’t always have to be the one to give myself a pep talk, or I don’t have to ask my mate for encouragement. If you allow your spirit to be open to it, it will come in whatever form it needs to. Simple enough.
Hopefully my blog serves as an inspiration to you.

Share where do you find your inspiration???

“Wake up in the morning and get out of bed, start making a mental list in my head, or all of the things that I am grateful for…”- India.Aire.

Knowing You

One thing about me that I am appreciating more and more is my self-awareness. Not everyone is there yet. Even when I’m being an A$$hole, I know why. I know when I’ve had too much and I need a break. I am able to listen to the signals my body sends me to let me know it’s time to detox, or it’s time to stop what I’m doing immediately and rest. I know who I am and feel no need to impress people with false appearances and images. When I get dressed I wear what I think feels good and looks good without regard to anyone. ( I love my man, but at the end of the day it’s not to  impress him).I don’t hang around people just because I think they make me look better. I don’t glamorize my position at work or in society.  I know my angles when I get my picture taken, and I know I love to have it taken.  I do 5 hours a week of exercise because I want to look a particular way for me, not because my BMI says I’m overweight. I can admit when I am afraid or when my feelings are hurt. I know when I’m being an emotional eater, or unreasonable. When work emotionally drains me I am conscience that there are better solutions than wine, but that sometimes those other things won’t work as quickly. I despise feeling vulnerable because of some childhood incidents.  I recognize that I feel sad on particular holidays, and I am very in tune to what excites me and discourages me. I know that I love to be inspired as much as I like to inspire others. Why do I say this? Because more and more I’m seeing people who don’t realize that they are unknowingly obsessed with food, ruled by their ego, always looking for validation,  looking for a father figure in a man, hating on others, or just plain lost. I get it in teenagers, but in adults, it irks me. I know we all have issues and everyone deals with them differently (writing has been my salvation) but every now and then I get frustrated. Lately, though, I have actually been feeling blessed and lucky that I am where I am. There was a time that I didn’t get it. Now I do. Being self-aware allows me to step back and look at situations differently. It allows me to understand the behavior of others and empathize, sometimes sympathize. It allows me to plan accordingly and to make more informed decisions. I think people really need to take more time and get to know themselves on a deeper level. It makes life so much more manageable because you do less dumb stuff (I can’t articulate it any better) and you question why less often. Next week I am on vacation from work and while yes, I’ll be hustling as usual, I will continue to make time to listen to my inner self and make sure she is getting all she needs.

Looking for Daddy

Psychologists have theories about how when we become adults we look for in our mates what we got and what we missed from our opposite-sex parent. I can totally buy into this. Immediately, I think about all of the great qualities I see in my dad. He's there when it counts, when I feel like I need to be rescued, financially or emotionally. He's proud of me, and that's a great feeling, having someone be proud and confident when it comes to your aspirations. My dad celebrates all of the milestones in my life, college graduations, the birth of my children, buying a house, getting my teaching license. What's more important is that I can feel his love in the tears he cries on those special days.

         My dad is so much more laid back than I am because I am high strung (passionate is the positive twist I put on it). He’s able to look at what really matters and pick and choose his battles. This is something I'm learning more and more how to do every day, though I admit it's often a struggle. And my competitive nature definitely stems from him because he never discouraged the tomboy in me; in fact, I think he liked the fact that his daughter was tough enough to wrestle down boys. I don’t think I can ever remember a time when he told me to act like a lady. So glad about that!

        But it wasn't until I did some real deep processing that I realized there were things I missed from him as a kid. My father was just 19 when I was born. After my mother died, he pulled a no-show on several occasions, leaving me and my sister sitting on the front steps of my grandmother's house waiting.

        Then there were the trips to Friendly's Restaurant ( still one of my favorite pastimes), that would have been so much better if at least every now and then it was just his kids and not his girlfriend's kids. Don't get me wrong, we had a great relationship with them, but he was still OUR daddy, and we never really got that one on one time with him. This leads me to the affection part. That tomboyish demeanor must have made my father feel like I didn't need consoling; I just needed to brush it off. As a result, I grew up hiding my anguish, putting on a shell even when I was crumbling inside. I don't blame my dad for any of this, because he was young, and as we've both gotten older, our relationship has grown closer and continues to do so. However, I have to be honest in saying that I feel my relationship with him directly relates to what I crave and loathe in a mate. For instance, my father was completely oblivious to my feelings and being stood up or not getting that alone time. I become absolutely incensed when a man is unaware of my feelings. I know men aren't minded readers, and anyone who knows me knows I speak my mind, so when I feel like you lack empathy or consideration; it's a problem for me! My feelings need to be validated if you are to be my man.

        Not calling to say he wouldn't be coming that day was irresponsible (a young thing, so easily forgiven). Yet and still an irresponsible man is a huge turn off for me! My father got a pass because he was young and inexperienced, but any man that is over 30 in my life, needs to have it together. Those are two of my biggest deal breakers.

Consequently, what I crave in a man is what I’ve gotten and still get from my dad. I need you to make me feel like I matter to you; my struggles, my dreams, my wants, my fears, are all important to you. Your world doesn't have to revolve around me, but show up when it matters, when I need it most. I am a strong, independent, superwoman, blah, blah, blah, and I can do it all, blah, blah, blah, but who wants to? Hell, even Superman is clumsy, quiet Clark Kent sometimes. I want to be vulnerable, so I need someone who can allow me to do so. I need to know that if I'm off duty, my world won't come shattering down because I left it in your hands and you didn't handle it.

This is what makes love hard, like my girl Iyanla Vanzant wrote, love is easy, it's the expectations we place on it that make it rough. Understanding why we have those expectations can sometimes help us to recognize why we become disappointed in our loved ones, and how we can take some of that pressure off of them.

        It's tough to say what you need and why you need, but I am glad that I am at a place where I can say it without reservation to my man and to others. What about you? What do you need, why do you need it?