Body Image Revisited

The body image saga continues.  If you’ve read my memoir then you know that starting as early as 11 years old I struggled with body image.  I thought I was had finally conquered it in mid twenties, even if I was close to 250 pounds. I mean I deemed myself the Queen of Self -Esteem! For about 10 years after that, I was in a really good place. I had mastered posing so that the camera hit all of the right angles. I had come to love all of my flaws, finally accepting my lumps and bumps, and really focusing on what I loved about my body. Then 2015 came and I’d have to come to accept a new body. Just as I’m starting accept the fact that I have no feeling in my breasts (which I have now decided to call NOOBS -new boobs), and get happy that the foot and a half long scar across my abdomen is fading,  my incisional hernia enlarges and that’s ALL am able to see. I’m cognizant  of it all day long. Aside from the extreme physical discomfort, I find myself double checking mirrors and buying shirts that disguise the massive bulge protruding from my right lower quadrant. I haven't been this self-conscious when getting dressed in so long, it feels awkward. But it’s really because I do in fact feel self-conscious. And why? I  have yet to understand why this insecurity has crept back in my psyche. I mean before the surgery I gained like 50 pounds, and after the surgery I walked around for 6 months with no nipples or areolas? Why am I tripping?  I had no answer, so last week I decided to get back in the gym ( I have to keep it extremely light until and even months after my next surgery). It made a world of difference, because after one session, I was reminded of just how powerful and amazing my body is. Each chest press made me feel more and appreciative of my body and its journey. It reminded me that this shit is temporary and aesthetic. What matters is keeping it healthy for its next healing challenge! Here we go!

Why Exercise???

According to the American Heart Association every minute a woman dies from heart disease. Most of us  know that maintaining a healthy weight, eating right and moderately exercising can reduce our risks. The latter, exercise, for some of us is one of the easiest things to eliminate from an overbooked day. There are numerous information sources out there that educate us on how we can make it happen: scheduling it in our planner as an appointment, exercising during the commercials, buddying up, taking the stairs. My personal favorite are squats while cooking. Whatever the case it is indeed critical for our health that we fit in in whether through intervals or in an hour, whether its salsa lessons or walking. Here are my personal benefits of exercising that maybe you didn’t of:

·         A new wardrobe twice a year ( in a smaller size)

·         More energy ( to do your to-do list)

·         Decreased PMS symptoms (my family loves this)

·         Feeling powerfully strong ( Wonder woman)

·         Exuding  a new sexiness ( which can increase libido)

·         A round butt that was formerly flat (squats)

·         Cute workout clothes (more shopping)

·         Networking ( thanks to group exercise)

·         Less cravings for vices ( wine, chocolate and carbs)

·         Or feeling less guilty about that glass of  wine (because you burned 600 calories)

Happy Exercising!

Inspiration is Everywhere

So today I woke up and found I released 20 pounds since the end of February. Who-hoo for me. Sure it’s taken discipline, portion control and some serious working out, but I truly couldn’t have done it without inspiration. It literally fell in my lap as I was uploading a youtube video. I came across someone who lost weight and kept a vlog. Then I saw other videos and whenever I wanted to order pizza hut, I visited a vlog or a blog instead. And it worked. But it’s not just in that department. Sometimes I log onto facebook, or flip a channel, see a picture, I hear a quote or see an interview that inspires me to keep moving forward with my dreams, or to not be discouraged by a temporary situation. And music, well that’s a whole other story. Some Jill Scott or India.Aire get me going in the morning.


So why am I able to find it, but others aren’t? I mean I am special, but no more special than the next person. It’s because I am open to it. Each day I look to be inspired, to be a better teacher, a better mother, a better friend. When I say look, I don’t mean search desperately (although sometimes it’s necessary). What I really mean is being OPEN. Knowing that I don’t always have to be the one to give myself a pep talk, or I don’t have to ask my mate for encouragement. If you allow your spirit to be open to it, it will come in whatever form it needs to. Simple enough.
Hopefully my blog serves as an inspiration to you.

Share where do you find your inspiration???

“Wake up in the morning and get out of bed, start making a mental list in my head, or all of the things that I am grateful for…”- India.Aire.

Yeah for me!

I know it's been a while since I've written, but that's because I've been so busy making life happen. Let's see, first, I'm still a wine drinker. I love being able to get a buzz, and still get up in the morning and go. So Grey Goose, sorry but you just can't give me that!
Secondly, I brought me a pair of Levi's size 8, just to make me focus a bit more on my goal, to help me put it out there in the atmosphere. Well, let me tell you, I slid them right on! Yes! I reached my goal. But to be honest, the little grin my stomach rolls make, have assured me that I still will have to work hard to get the body I desire. I know I'm on my way through, because I've gotten my Zumba certification and I am teaching it three times a week! Go Toya!
And next Sunday, I will have my graduate diploma in hand!!! This is something I am soooo proud of.
The love thing...still hard. I can write it in a card or a letter, but I have such a hard time verbally expressing it. I'll put a pat on my back myself for at least doing that more often, dropping notes to my loved ones. I have been doing that! As long as they know how important they are to me, I guess it really doesn't matter how I tell them. The "me" time has been getting easier and easier. I find that when I make time for myself, I am able to give just a little more to others, and I'm less on edge. At peace. So starting this week, I'm increasing my Yoga to twice a week ( Sundays). You know me, always challenging myself!

And lastly, but far more importantly, I have ordered my copies of my memoir, which I will be selling next Sunday at my "Celebration of Life" So part one of my goal is done; now comes the hard part... getting it out there. I'm slowly working on it. I've identified some independent bookstores to sell my books. I plan to go on tour this summer to promote it.

SIDEBAR: Don't you know I have some people still trying to block my Sunshine.? " a friend" expressed my their doubt in my book getting onto Oprah, and thinks I should think smaller! See this is that "ish" I'm talking about. Because people put limits on themselves, they gotta put them on me, too????

Anyway, lucky for me, I have gotten enough feedback from my performances to let me know that I am fulfilling my mission of inspiring folks. I've been doing a one-woman show called...you guessed it... "Wonderfully Imperfect and Full of Complexity" I've only done it three times, but each time it gets better and better. And the feedback I've been getting has been overwhelming, in a good way. People have told me, from all backgrounds and age groups that my story has touched them. I love to hear that because I believe that's why I'm here. Well until next time!

P.S. I quit my part time banquet job, a little less on my plate, and I decreased the youth activities because I'm realizing more and more that what I focus my attention on is what will manifest. My attention is on "The Right Amount of Sunshine!"