Aunty Maya was Right

Whenever I am in need of something nontangible…I give it to someone else. Not with the idea of getting something in return, but I find that it gives me a sense of fulfillment that is equal to or better than what I was craving in the fist place. I’m talking generosity, compassion, affection, patience, joy, peace, and positivity. Like many things, it’s easier said than done, but it truly makes difference. For example, when I’m feeling sad  or hopeless (which is usually after watching the news these days) I try to bring joy and hope to someone else who may need it. So while I’m thinking about the threat of nuclear war or I’m haunted by the death of young person, I start on smaller scale and instill hope for a brighter future for one of the young people I mentor because they aren’t thinking about macro level fear and despair, they are too consumed with it on a personal level. I am considered to be so strong by the people who know me, but I’m human  so sometimes I could use a hug, some affection and compassion. I could reach out an ask for it, and because I know I’ll receive it, I instead apply my energy into being affectionate and compassionate towards those who don’t have the support system I have, who can’t pick up the phone and vent like I can.  On the rare occasion that I feel less than financially

(smirk) that's when I give... clear out my closets and give away clothes, provide transportation for someone who needs it, say yes when asked to donate to St. Jude's at the cash register.  These are acts that you can’t necessarily describe as altruistic because again, I’m totally getting something out of it. But what I think it does remind me to appreciate what I do have in the moment; extend my gratitude to the universe for all that I do have instead of complaining about what I don’t. So next time you're not feeling fly, compliment someone, not feeling confident, give someone  else a pep talk. Try it time and let me know how it works! GIVE

P.S The poem Our Grandmothers by Maya Angelou is where this quote comes from and it is amazing!

Building Your Squad

Beside this Queen is a squad so thorough, it’s amazes me every time I think about it. I can chase my dreams with the confidence that without even asking my crew will dish out offers of assistance and support and a "What you need girl?"  I was blessed (seriously though) to consistently have this astronomical  amount of back up all my life…through pregnancies, break ups, awards, surgeries and more. There are many people who don’t have a support system, or even worse don’t use to their advantage. Yes, I said advantage, not in the exploitation sense, but in the using your resources effectively sense. So, whether you come from a big family or not this is how you build the bomb squad:

1.)    Call people on their bluff-   You know those people who say, “Let me know if you need something” or “call me if you need to talk”.  Perhaps they aren’t bluffing and they are sincere, then hooray for you.  Perhaps that are full of shit. Well... now you know that you can’t count on them, which makes you one step closer to  getting your team because now you know who isn't on it.  In either case, be clear about what it is you need and ask for it, knowing the worst a person can say is no.

2.)    Compartmentalize your needs- and delegate accordingly. Everyone cannot be your everything. Think about the areas where you need it the most, and connect with those who can provide the best support for  you in that area. For example, when I need to vent about my day job, I call on a fellow teacher friend, who understands the lingo and the challenges specific to the field.  When I’m overwhelmed with the being Black in America, then I want to be around my people. Think about it, how backwards would it be for me to seek financial advice from someone who doesn’t have two pennies to rub together?  Someone who you lean on for support with getting closer to God is not necessarily the person who will help you update your resume
3.)    Use the Barter System-  It’s worked for generations. If someone can help you build your website, you can get them to guest passes to your fitness class. This is one of my favorites for single mothers  who need babysitters. Not only are you getting the help you need but you are feel empowered by using your talent or time to help someone else out.

4.)    Family isn’t always first-  my family is huge and I have no problem asking them for help. Most of them have no problem but we all have those shady, self-absorbed, unempathetic family members. If that’s most of your family, then sometimes you must make your own with people who are more trustworthy and consistent.

5.)     Get to know your community- Search the internet and ask what’s available in your community- mental health care providers, support, church/mosque/temple groups, community centers, and their programs. How can you take advantage of free stuff if you don't know about it?

6.)    Get you some YES and NO people -Diversity matters. Sometimes you need that person to pull you in off the ledge and tell you "Hell no! Don't do it."  and " You are wrong."  But you also need someone to tell you, " Hell yeah!  You can do it!"  when you may be hesitant to accept the next challenge. In the same way you need a nice mixture of people who give you the unfiltered truth and those who can break it to gently because sometimes you need a hug and other times you need a kick in the ass.

Whatever it is you are going through, you may feel lonely but you don’t have to be alone. Start taking inventory and stock up as needed. You deserve a BOMB squad!

Check your Bags

 My work with young people who have experienced trauma has opened my eyes to the traumatic experiences that many adults (friends, family and strangers) have dealt with and continue to do so daily. This ability to empathize with their struggles has made me much less judgmental and a better listener and understanding my own trauma is why I choose to do what I do. I write about it in more extensively in my memoir. But there are so many people who have yet to address their trauma and it’s a detriment to their health and happiness. Some people drag their baggage around everywhere they go, some try to force others to carry their load. Then there are those who wear all of it like they are trauma brand models.  Oh, and let us not forgot who try to disguise the baggage as fancy accessories, concealing the pain and hurt. In the end, none of it does us any good. While everyone is not going to go for their checkup from the neck up as I previously suggested, there are steps you can take to begin to unpack.

1.   Be present-  Especially when you are about to make a decision. What is it you are doing or are about to do? Pay attention to your body’s physical response and ask yourself why. As someone who struggled with eating disorders in the past this has helped me significantly with my emotional eating.  I ask myself why I really want to order Chinese take out, is it because I’m stressed out about work, or a project? Possibly feeling resentful towards someone? Or is it because I’m hungry and I haven’t had any in a while and I really just want some beef teriyaki?

2.   Reflect instead of deflect- Particularly after a conflict or in a moment of regret. Have you looked at the situation from the other person’s perspective? Was there something you could have done or said differently (in my case it has been that maybe I shouldn’t have said anything)? Ask that WHY once more. Why did you respond that way? What were you feeling? Were you hurt or embarrassed? What were you trying to obtain in that moment?

3.   Reframe your negative experiences- I actually have a full workshop on how to do this. It’s basically the step following reflection. You try to determine the lesson in the experience and find a silver lining. You got laid off?  Perhaps it’s because it’s time for you to chase that dream you’ve been putting off? How has your pain helped you become stronger, or set a positive example of resilience for others?

Our baggage plays a major role and how we came to be who we are today but it doesn’t have to dictate who we will be tomorrow. That is totally up to you!

Magic

There is something magical about walking in your purpose. Equally it’s disconcerting and chaotic when you are not walking in your purpose. For some reason there is this notion that those who are successful, (happy, doing what they love and getting paid for it ) are lucky or special. Truth is, we are all special. What distinguishes those of us who appear to have these fulfilling lives and those who are miserable and lost is …purpose.
 Since I was little I also wanted to perform and at 8  I  declared that I would be an author. I am an artist in its truest form. But when I was 20 years old  it all clicked for me when I got my first job at a community center. I quickly found what I was meant to do and that is to inspire and motivate others, in particular youth and women. I know this because even when I’m exhausted, put me  in room of teens or women and I come alive. And don’t let me have a stage, because then it’s on! 
Almost 20 years later, I’m at the threshold of 40, and I’ve come to realize that I am supposed use my art and my stage presence as a tool to reach those souls that truly need me. It’s this kind of clarity that guides me daily in my thought and actions. Though this work can be emotionally daunting, I take my responsibility seriously. That’s right, your purpose is your responsibility, it is why you are here. When you don’t understand the why, then it is impossible get to a how, or when or where. I see it all the time, people who bounce from job to job, school to school, certificate to certificate just to be doing something. That’s cool if you are happy, but if you find yourself feeling lost and unsure, it’s time to  make some changes.  Sure, it’s definitely easier said than done; shoot, I stumbled upon my purpose. It found me when I wasn’t even looking. But if you are looking, searching for that one thing, let me assure you won’t find it in a romantic relationship (that’s another post, on another day). But here are a few tips to get you headed in the right direction:

1.       Identify what you are good at doing.

 What ability or talent are you totally confident about? It you’re not sure, ask the people who care about you. Sometimes you are adept at things you may not even be aware of. Make a list.

2.       Identify what gives you pleasure and joy. 

Maybe you enjoy being alone, or in a room full of people. Perhaps you find happiness in what others may see as chores.  What gives you the tingles?

3.       Be open to new experiences.

 Anytime there’s an opportunity presents itself to go some  place you’ve never been or learn a new skill, take it. Even if it doesn’t become your career or you don’t discover your purpose, you may meet someone who will a guide for you on journey to find your purpose.

Number 4 is not a necessity because I believe purpose does not equal day job. But if you can:

 Find a way to generate income from whatever it is you love to do.  In today’s world if the position doesn’t exist, you can create it yourself.

 

What are you waiting for?  Go find your magic!

4 Lessons from 2016

If I had to sum up this year for me in one word, it would be TRANSITION. 2016 was full of changes for me wrapped in lessons, successes and blessings. To start off with, I ended and 8 year relationship (not  BARACK OBAMA  though I am devastated) with someone who I was engaged to, lived with and had a child with.  This was difficult because my decision wasn’t based on something catastrophic, dramatic or scandalous. I didn’t catch him cheating, he didn’t hit me. I just realized that some of our beliefs were so inherently different it affected how we dealt with each other, parenting, goals and overall views on life.  At first I thought, what would everyone think…his family, my family, and the naysayers? But then I had to listen to my inner voice which loudly and repeatedly told me that  he was brought into my life for a reason and a season, but not meant to be my mate for a life time. Imagine trying to articulate that? This was at the beginning of the year, and still we are transitioning from cohabitating fiancés to co-parenting friends.

   The transition to living on my own after 6 years has actually been amazing. It’s given me the opportunity to really self-reflect and think , to take care of myself; to plan.  

 A few months ago, my oldest son told me I was going to be a grandmother in April 2017. This was like the official stamp on the end of an era. No ovaries, in menopause, I’m a grandmother before 40. This transition will be all about letting go and trusting that no matter what my baby will be more than okay, he’ll be great.  

 I also resigned from a leadership team at my day job and began a leadership program outside of my realm. Trying something new was easy; giving up something old was a difficult decision, but so worth it in the end. I was tired of fighting an unnecessary battle, one in which I was asked to go against the warrior and change agent I am.   

But instead of telling you ALLLLLL my business,  I’d like to summarize a few take aways from my last 361 days and hopefully they will speak to your spirit:

    1. Do not allow others to stifle who you are at the core. This includes friends, family, lovers, and employers. If you are asked to do something that is without a doubt contradictory to who you are a person, something that makes you feel guilty, strained, or at war with yourself- don’t do it. Life is too short to live with that type of inner turmoil. Be unabashedly, uniquely you.

    2.  F%CK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. PERIOD.  Don’t let other people’s fearful, judgmental ideologies dictate what you do.  Tell them to take their SHOULDS and shove ‘em.

    3.  Let go of the people and the things that don’t bring you joy. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose to love them from a distance. When you let go of the things that don’t make you happy, guess what happens…you get happy!

     4. STRETCH. Your thinking, your activities, your mind. Even if it’s a little bit at a time. Change is inevitable but  it is so much more enjoyable when you control it.

These steps are why, even though the devastation of losing Prince ( and OBAMA)  I was able to have an adventurous, happy and amazing transitional year.  What’s next for 2017? Stay tuned! 

Repeated Lessons

There have been a few lessons I’ve really learned so far this year, and I feel it’s only right I share them with my readers. The first is do what you love. I know this is my heart of hearts, but sometimes people can really trip me up. Anyone who knows me knows that I am juggling about 6 to 8 balls on average. I’d like to think that I am pretty good with the balance, I try to rest when needed, and I try to make the time I spend with other quality, versus quantity. But some people don’t make it easy when they make comments about being productive. The other day, someone said that I just leave my kids with anyone, and someone else said I’m never home. While there is some truth in be living much of the life on the run, I tend to involve both of my sons and family in many of my activities. And not that I feel the need to explain myself to anyone, but I write this to make a point, which was clearly re-iterated to me at the NAPW’s women’s conference that past Friday. Randi Zuckerberg (one of the original founders of Facebook) spoke about being an “AND” woman, stressing that we shouldn’t feel guilty about having interests outside of work and family and that those interests should be taking seriously. Now I’m lucky enough to combine works often, but sometimes the people closest to me don’t get that my poetry, my nonprofit, my empowerment, is not just a hobby, but it is work and meaningful, and I do get paid for it. That’s the great thing about it all, when you love what you do, even when you are exhausted, you still feel simultaneously energized.

This leads me to my second gem, which is to surround yourself with people who make you feel good, and who are like minded. Again, it sounds obvious, but it’s sometimes difficult because of where we work or live. But I find when I am around other teachers or artists, or moms who understand the struggle, and who have common goals, it feels amazing. AMAZING!!!! And there is a balance, you can be around those who are like-minded, but if don’t make you feel good,  and vice versa, conflict can arise. It can really be hard to distance yourself from the friend, lover, co-worker, or relative, but for your own sanity, you have to if they are toxic, or for me, if they do neither.

            

 And I’ve mentioned the last several times in the past…PAY ATTENTION! The universe/God/whatever your belief is always sending you messages in the form of nature, animals and other people. I often have conversations with people who validate what I already know but may not act on. So I frequently get gentle reminders. For instance, I had a conversation a few days ago and the woman told me that there are people out there who I was made to impact specifically, that when no one else will reach them, I will. She told me that what I do is the church because churches heal. Last month when I performed I was told my story was like going to church (Hear that bell ringing). And for like the 3^rd time a person mentioned that it’s time for me to get paid for what I do, to get paid a lot, and to not only rely solely on the satisfaction of helping others as payment. Apparently, I should be paid spiritually and financially and not feel guilty about it. How about that????

                So what do you think readers? Do any of these gems apply to you? Is there one that you think you should follow? Share!

Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014!

I’ve actually been so busy that I’m late with my end of the year self-evaluation. I usually start in November, but as long as I take the time to reflect, it doesn’t matter if there are only two weeks left to the year. 2013 has been an awesome year of taking chances and having them pay off. It’s been hard work and setbacks, but overall, I’ve grown so much and that’s what’s most important.

Here goes the list:

 I went to California and became a freedom writer teacher (perhaps my highlight)

I went to the museum of Tolerance

I saw Hollywood BLVD

I stayed at a bed and breakfast for a romantic get away for the first time in Houston, TX

I went to see the MLK (emotional) and the Lincoln Memorial (speechless)

I identified my dissertation topic

I acted in a major role in a play which I helped to direct

I finally bought a new laptop and car (I’m bad with upgrading)

I completed my 6^th book

I‘ve finally found a focus for my career (Thanks to my Life Coach)

I went to Paramount Studios

I saw India Aire Live (life changing. I cried twice)

 Met  two Holocaust Survivors

I chopped off all my hair (empowering)

I ate lunch and networked with Star Jones as an NAPW Chapter president

I’ve eliminated distractions (activities that aren’t getting me closer to my dreams)

2014 feels even more promising I continue to find sources for inspiration and strive to be an inspiration.

I won’t mention what I didn’t accomplish because I choose to focus on the positive since that list is much longer. What about you? What are you most proud of?

With Holocaust Survivor

A Gentle Reminder

A couple of weeks ago two of my good friends gave me props on for making things happen, like going to college and while raising children and working. I had never heard her say that, and then she even gave me a pound  (we go back like that). It was so nice to hear, especially from someone who was important to me. When you are so busy trying to make things happen, you forget that indeed you are MAKING THINGS HAPPEN! You don’t realize the significance of it, that people are watching you and are inspired. Sometimes when I’m doing something HUGE, I realize this, like when I released my memoir. But when on a daily basis, I tend to forget. Or if I don’t forget I get days where I’m overwhelmed and I wonder why I continue to push so hard; why not be satisfied with having a decent job, a car, and a house? Then something wonderful happens…somebody shoots me an email, or post on Facebook page, or in this case give me pound to let me know that I am I have inspired them. And then I am reminded of my purpose, and my duty to fulfill it.

Ego Tripping (There may be a reason why)

It is so hard trying to do good in a world where people are always looking for bad. Judging and scrutiny can get the best of us, even me, the self-proclaimed “Queen of Self-Esteem.”But whenever I find myself pulled into the negativity I have to step back and look at two important things: Purpose and Outcome. What is it I’m trying to do and why? For me, it’s inspiring people, especially youth. Why? Because I am a product of it. Throughout my life, it’s been mentors, historical figures, art and music that have kept me going when I wanted to give up, that have forced me to see things in a more positive light. I want to do that for others because it can be life changing, literally. Inspiration can mean the difference between high school drop out and college grad, between a drug dealer and car dealership owner, between suicide and living. Why is so important because it helps us to maintain our integrity when we are tempted to compromise our standards, beliefs, and values in order to live out our purpose. It is also important because it distracts us from our own selfish reasons that may arrive. For instance, I want to sell 6million copies of my memoir to save 6million lives. Not to get rich, but to save lives. However, I would love to write professionally full time. I have to be wary of this when opportunities present themselves that may tempt me to stray. This is when I have to look at outcomes. I will know I am staying true on my purpose when I can see its effects. For me, it’s the youth I work with who flourish into productive adults who are accomplishing goals and making their mark on the world.  In the end, this is all that matters, not what other people think my intentions are, not what they feel I am doing, and not if it gets national exposure or millions of dollars. In the end, when you do what you’re passionate about, it will pay off in more ways than one.

Goals must never be from your ego, but problems that cry for a solution.

-Robert H. Schuller

Empathy Matters

For many of us when we are little toddlers we live in this protective bubble created by our parents; we are loved, nurtured and made to feel like we can do anything. I was one of those people who was blessed enough to experience this. My grandmother didn’t have high school diploma, but she had good sense to love me and build me up enough to love myself. As we grow up, we step out into the real world and for some of us, it’s like stepping out into the street and being hit by a truck at full speed. We suffer irreparable hurt, because for some reason, people don’t see or don’t acknowledge our beauty, our talent, our existence. So we build wall to protect us, walk around in armored suits and masks not being our true selves. Or we imitate those who appear to be surviving a bit better than we are. I’ll admit, I’VE DONE IT. But I’m telling you, it was something about the way I was raised that never let me lose site of who I was (except when I wanted to be T-BOZ from TLC).


But what happens to those who never felt that protection; that initial unconditional love? Do they ever take off the armor and the mask? Do they ever truly discover their uniqueness; their greatness? It’s hard when the world around them isn’t empathetic and can’t even begin to conceptualize that this person is afraid, hurting, and unsure.

My job working with many youth who are in this predicament has helped me to become more accepting and aware when I come into adults I meet. Lucky for them ;) it allows me to be more patient when I come across people who rub me the wrong way. I don’t have to be friends with them, but I can try to be understanding of the fact that they, like all of us have some unresolved issues. So I don’t go off on them, I don’t internalize their behavior. I can brush it off and keeping it moving, or perhaps be that sunshine they need for the day. This is called GROWTH. And my interaction with them, my response, may help them to grow as well.

    "Do not judge your neighbor until you have walked two moons in his moccasins." -Cheyenne Tribe

Inspiration is Everywhere

So today I woke up and found I released 20 pounds since the end of February. Who-hoo for me. Sure it’s taken discipline, portion control and some serious working out, but I truly couldn’t have done it without inspiration. It literally fell in my lap as I was uploading a youtube video. I came across someone who lost weight and kept a vlog. Then I saw other videos and whenever I wanted to order pizza hut, I visited a vlog or a blog instead. And it worked. But it’s not just in that department. Sometimes I log onto facebook, or flip a channel, see a picture, I hear a quote or see an interview that inspires me to keep moving forward with my dreams, or to not be discouraged by a temporary situation. And music, well that’s a whole other story. Some Jill Scott or India.Aire get me going in the morning.


So why am I able to find it, but others aren’t? I mean I am special, but no more special than the next person. It’s because I am open to it. Each day I look to be inspired, to be a better teacher, a better mother, a better friend. When I say look, I don’t mean search desperately (although sometimes it’s necessary). What I really mean is being OPEN. Knowing that I don’t always have to be the one to give myself a pep talk, or I don’t have to ask my mate for encouragement. If you allow your spirit to be open to it, it will come in whatever form it needs to. Simple enough.
Hopefully my blog serves as an inspiration to you.

Share where do you find your inspiration???

“Wake up in the morning and get out of bed, start making a mental list in my head, or all of the things that I am grateful for…”- India.Aire.

The Next Chapter

It's a truly amazing experience when your dreams start to come true! What was once an idea, is now a reality. After my graduation party and book signing, I read all of my cards and I really absorbed what they had to say. See, I'm so used to jumping, sometimes head first, from goal to the next, that I don't take the time to sit back, and enjoy the accomplishment. When it's all over I take time to reflect, but it's always on what's next. What will be my next challenge, and how will I meet it! It took me reading some of the congrats cards from family and friends that made me realize...I've done great things, and I shouldn't minimize it. Here I am, the self-proclaimed DIVA and Queen of Self-esteem, yet I look at my accomplishments as, "I did it, and a big deal, a lot of people do it." So while I'm proud, I just feel like sooo many others are capable of the same thing, that it never is a big deal. But again, the cards and the tears on my day from a couple of good friends helped me to see that even though many have accomplished what I have, and many ARE capable, so many more people don't do it. They are too afraid, busy making excuses, and blaming circumstances, they don't step out and leap. Why is that? I don't think it's fear of failure, I think it's fear of success. I know for me as soon as I get close to a dream before I touch it, I pause, and ask, "Is this for real? Is this really gonna happen...for ME?" Then I say, " Hell, yeah, because I worked hard for this, and I deserve it." But still, that quick pause is something I am struggling to stop doing. I cannot allow myself to question whether something I dream is really happening, because that's what it's all about.

The second part of it all is being an inspiration to others. We all have role models, and people we look up to, but what I've discovered recently, is that a lot more people see me as a tangible role model than I've thought. It's a surreal feeling because I know, that while I'm on my way to becoming the woman I want to be, I'm still not quite there yet. So to know that what I've done so far has influenced so many....well, a sista get kinda emotional. ( Shhh! Don't tell anybody)

So what's next for me? I want to promote the HELL out of my memoir. I want this book to be something that social services organizations, schools, and parents embrace and use as a tool for our young girls of color. I want to continue to grow as a person that I can fully live out my mission " to inspire others through poetry and stories, and through leading by example with courage, confidence, and integrity."

So what do you think? This blog is my journal, but you're more than welcome to comment. Peace Eternally, Brenda's Child

Yeah for me!

I know it's been a while since I've written, but that's because I've been so busy making life happen. Let's see, first, I'm still a wine drinker. I love being able to get a buzz, and still get up in the morning and go. So Grey Goose, sorry but you just can't give me that!
Secondly, I brought me a pair of Levi's size 8, just to make me focus a bit more on my goal, to help me put it out there in the atmosphere. Well, let me tell you, I slid them right on! Yes! I reached my goal. But to be honest, the little grin my stomach rolls make, have assured me that I still will have to work hard to get the body I desire. I know I'm on my way through, because I've gotten my Zumba certification and I am teaching it three times a week! Go Toya!
And next Sunday, I will have my graduate diploma in hand!!! This is something I am soooo proud of.
The love thing...still hard. I can write it in a card or a letter, but I have such a hard time verbally expressing it. I'll put a pat on my back myself for at least doing that more often, dropping notes to my loved ones. I have been doing that! As long as they know how important they are to me, I guess it really doesn't matter how I tell them. The "me" time has been getting easier and easier. I find that when I make time for myself, I am able to give just a little more to others, and I'm less on edge. At peace. So starting this week, I'm increasing my Yoga to twice a week ( Sundays). You know me, always challenging myself!

And lastly, but far more importantly, I have ordered my copies of my memoir, which I will be selling next Sunday at my "Celebration of Life" So part one of my goal is done; now comes the hard part... getting it out there. I'm slowly working on it. I've identified some independent bookstores to sell my books. I plan to go on tour this summer to promote it.

SIDEBAR: Don't you know I have some people still trying to block my Sunshine.? " a friend" expressed my their doubt in my book getting onto Oprah, and thinks I should think smaller! See this is that "ish" I'm talking about. Because people put limits on themselves, they gotta put them on me, too????

Anyway, lucky for me, I have gotten enough feedback from my performances to let me know that I am fulfilling my mission of inspiring folks. I've been doing a one-woman show called...you guessed it... "Wonderfully Imperfect and Full of Complexity" I've only done it three times, but each time it gets better and better. And the feedback I've been getting has been overwhelming, in a good way. People have told me, from all backgrounds and age groups that my story has touched them. I love to hear that because I believe that's why I'm here. Well until next time!

P.S. I quit my part time banquet job, a little less on my plate, and I decreased the youth activities because I'm realizing more and more that what I focus my attention on is what will manifest. My attention is on "The Right Amount of Sunshine!"

Ambition is exhausting

There is so much I want out of life, so many goals I want to accomplish, but we all know it's hard to keep moving forward steadily when we have to live day to day responsibilities while trying to accomplish them. Sometimes I feel like there's not enough time in the day to do it all. After working two jobs, exercising, running errands, volunteering,etc., I'm wiped out. But I have to keep telling myself that I can't be the person who lives so much in the present that I don't work for a future. I want to write so many more books, I want to launch my youth program, get my doctorate, get married, have one more baby, and just be happy. (So there, I'm putting it out there in the universe.)
With me trying to do so much, I get run down, tired, and frustrated every now and then. I lose focus and have to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race and that as long as I am moving, I shouldn't stress about the pace at which I am doing so. But being the go-getter I am, it gets exhausting. Then I have to wind down, rest my mind and body, recharge, and attack life again. Do you feel me?

Finding your voice

This is the first story I wrote. Since I was eight years old I knew I wanted to be a writer. I am a lucky one. When I was twenty, I discovered another voice, working with youth. I am a lucky one. There are people today who are still lost and trying to figure out where they fit in this big tapestry called life. There are people making big bucks but go home unfulfilled. There are people who make nothing and are still unfulfilled. Me, I've got my share of bills that get paid the day of shut off, and major projects I can't afford to do on my house, but I love my job! All of them. Teaching high school students who don't see school as a priority is tough stuff, but at the end of my day, I am exhausted and content. And I love to write poems and perform them. Not only are they therapy for me, but every now and then, I get to touch the life of another.

Have you found your voice? What is it? How do you know? If even you don't know what kind of job you want, what field do you belong in? What makes you happy? If you figure that out, stop making excuses and pursue it.