Magic

There is something magical about walking in your purpose. Equally it’s disconcerting and chaotic when you are not walking in your purpose. For some reason there is this notion that those who are successful, (happy, doing what they love and getting paid for it ) are lucky or special. Truth is, we are all special. What distinguishes those of us who appear to have these fulfilling lives and those who are miserable and lost is …purpose.
 Since I was little I also wanted to perform and at 8  I  declared that I would be an author. I am an artist in its truest form. But when I was 20 years old  it all clicked for me when I got my first job at a community center. I quickly found what I was meant to do and that is to inspire and motivate others, in particular youth and women. I know this because even when I’m exhausted, put me  in room of teens or women and I come alive. And don’t let me have a stage, because then it’s on! 
Almost 20 years later, I’m at the threshold of 40, and I’ve come to realize that I am supposed use my art and my stage presence as a tool to reach those souls that truly need me. It’s this kind of clarity that guides me daily in my thought and actions. Though this work can be emotionally daunting, I take my responsibility seriously. That’s right, your purpose is your responsibility, it is why you are here. When you don’t understand the why, then it is impossible get to a how, or when or where. I see it all the time, people who bounce from job to job, school to school, certificate to certificate just to be doing something. That’s cool if you are happy, but if you find yourself feeling lost and unsure, it’s time to  make some changes.  Sure, it’s definitely easier said than done; shoot, I stumbled upon my purpose. It found me when I wasn’t even looking. But if you are looking, searching for that one thing, let me assure you won’t find it in a romantic relationship (that’s another post, on another day). But here are a few tips to get you headed in the right direction:

1.       Identify what you are good at doing.

 What ability or talent are you totally confident about? It you’re not sure, ask the people who care about you. Sometimes you are adept at things you may not even be aware of. Make a list.

2.       Identify what gives you pleasure and joy. 

Maybe you enjoy being alone, or in a room full of people. Perhaps you find happiness in what others may see as chores.  What gives you the tingles?

3.       Be open to new experiences.

 Anytime there’s an opportunity presents itself to go some  place you’ve never been or learn a new skill, take it. Even if it doesn’t become your career or you don’t discover your purpose, you may meet someone who will a guide for you on journey to find your purpose.

Number 4 is not a necessity because I believe purpose does not equal day job. But if you can:

 Find a way to generate income from whatever it is you love to do.  In today’s world if the position doesn’t exist, you can create it yourself.

 

What are you waiting for?  Go find your magic!

Whatever the Hell I Please

                  


It’s tax season and social media has been flooded with 

memes, some hilarious, some not so much. There are the ones about fat or ugly girls having men they supposedly wouldn’t ever be able to attract otherwise. Then there are those, which I’m guilty of laughing at, showing how women look before and after taxes, from weaves to furs and anything else you can imagine. While I have what I believe to be a great sense of humor, the feminist single mother in me cannot help but be offended by some actual written about posts about how we choose to spend our money,  or our audacity not to split the child income credit with our “baby daddy”. While I’m sure every case is different, I’m writing on behalf of the many women I know.  It’s my damn money and I will do what the hell I please!!! 
 As someone who has been in different tax brackets, I have strong feelings about this. When I was living in subsidized housing, with my fuel assistance and Medicaid, I received the EIC (Earned Income Credit) for my son. I was a full-time student who delivered pizzas, substitute taught and did whatever I needed to do pay bills. When I got that tax check, I treated myself to some new clothes to prepare myself for the professional world, bought my son things I normally couldn’t afford and gave money to my babysitters who kept my son for free all year while I worked. I also redecorated my apartment, switching out my son’s toddler size mattress to a twin bed, or upgrading a furniture set or TV ( that was a hand me down) to something newer. It felt good to have that extra money when there were times I was searching my couch cushions for loose change just to have enough for my son's lunch money. One year I used that extra money to buy a new car so that I could stop driving pieces of junk that constantly needed oil, brake fluid, coolant, tires, a jump start or a tow.  Then for two years in a row, I saved my money to use for a down payment on a house so I could get the hell out of the projects.  Fast forward years later, I apparently make too much money for the EIC. Still, I look forward to the benefits of tax season and my substantial refund.  Daycare for my toddler is $500 a month,  I’m paying back money from the my students loans, and I’m an owner of a historic home which is constantly being upgraded for myself and my tenant.  When I get my money, I treat myself first to clothes and shoes, do some home improvements and redecorating, save some, pay ahead some bills and... whatever the hell else I please! 
 A woman should not be condemned for what she does with her tax money, especially not by her “baby daddy”  because he pays child support. Child support??? Please! Unless you’re a celebrity dropping thousands monthly, child support for many of the women I know only pays for sneakers, or haircuts, maybe daycare. And then I know men who only buy their kids "what they need” because they don’t want to put money in a woman’s hands? What a joke! All year long your child needs food, electricity, hot water, heat, and if you’re lucky cable so they can watch Nick Jr.  But it’s the mother who is put down because she wants to treat herself to a mani and pedi, or a new hairdo? Again, I know there are outliers, extremes on both ends, but I’m writing for the many hardworking single mothers who didn’t plan on raising babies alone, and we deserve more respect. Instead of condemning her, why not help her out?  Expose her to some financial options or programs, teach some skills, lend a helping hand, be an emotional support system. 
While today  I'm in a much better place than I was 10 or 15 years ago, I know that the struggle is more than real, it can be  continuous, lonely and exhausting.

This is why every other year I host the She got H.E.R.S conference for young women, mothers or not. We all need a little guidance and encouragement!

Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014!

I’ve actually been so busy that I’m late with my end of the year self-evaluation. I usually start in November, but as long as I take the time to reflect, it doesn’t matter if there are only two weeks left to the year. 2013 has been an awesome year of taking chances and having them pay off. It’s been hard work and setbacks, but overall, I’ve grown so much and that’s what’s most important.

Here goes the list:

 I went to California and became a freedom writer teacher (perhaps my highlight)

I went to the museum of Tolerance

I saw Hollywood BLVD

I stayed at a bed and breakfast for a romantic get away for the first time in Houston, TX

I went to see the MLK (emotional) and the Lincoln Memorial (speechless)

I identified my dissertation topic

I acted in a major role in a play which I helped to direct

I finally bought a new laptop and car (I’m bad with upgrading)

I completed my 6^th book

I‘ve finally found a focus for my career (Thanks to my Life Coach)

I went to Paramount Studios

I saw India Aire Live (life changing. I cried twice)

 Met  two Holocaust Survivors

I chopped off all my hair (empowering)

I ate lunch and networked with Star Jones as an NAPW Chapter president

I’ve eliminated distractions (activities that aren’t getting me closer to my dreams)

2014 feels even more promising I continue to find sources for inspiration and strive to be an inspiration.

I won’t mention what I didn’t accomplish because I choose to focus on the positive since that list is much longer. What about you? What are you most proud of?

With Holocaust Survivor

This is where I am

So...almost two months into my new year, and I have to say, I'm still excited and very proud of myself. First, I have stuck to the wine and beer only thing, which was tough in the beginning, but I have officially been able to say no to the Grey Goose. Secondly, I have really slowed down on my lunch break and made time for myself. As a result, I am a lot more peaceful and less scatter-brained.
I've been really consistent with my morning ritual (except some weekends where I PLAN to be unproductive and lazy.) And I have officially kicked my dunkin' donuts habit, saving myself $40 bucks a month. I actually LOVE my homemade coffee, and brewing it is apart of my morning ritual.
What am I most excited about... the fact that I brought myself 5 pairs of jeans, all a size 10!!!! Yes, that's right, I released 8 unnecessary pounds. I am really on my way. I have to say, I've done well with the healthy habits, but I have partaken in takeout. Not to make excuses, but a sista is busy working three jobs, mommying, and mentoring. However, I noticed I crave it less, and eat less when I do. My appetite has noticeably decreased...awesome!

As far as my book, I'm making steady progress. ( more than 3/4 done) It's tough writing about yourself. It's coming together just how I envisioned, though more slowly, thanks to real life. But my illustrator working on the cover and I plan to be done very soon.
I've had trouble with telling folks I love them. I know it's probably some deep-rooted issue. My son is the only it comes easy for. Everyone else gets in cards and thank you letters. But to actually vocalize it is tough. Still working on it.

I've decided to get another teaching license in either English or History to go along with my special education license. The more marketable, the better.

In the fall, I 'm looking at going for that Ph.D. (Maybe) I've already contacted a program, but I need to make sure I'm really committed before I begin. In the meantime, my Diva Showcase is this year.


But I will get my certification as a Zumba instructor in April.

I love to set and reach goals, it's exciting to complete one thing and move on to the next. I'm happy that I am content with my ambition right now because often times I'm frustrated with it.

So far, I guess I would say, once again...I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
What about you? How are u doing?

2010...Welcome

Happy New Year! I may not be where I want to be, but my spirit knows it is exactly where it is SUPPOSED to be. In 2009, I finally published my first novella, "Despite Everything" a story that I first began writing at 14. I also published my second poetry collection, where I held back nothing. ( Pat on my back.) I finished the District-based licensure course to earn my second teaching license. I lost an unsightly 15 pounds. I completed my masters in Nonprofit Management and Philanthropy. But this year I need to take these accomplishments to the next level...I need to learn how to follow through. I published those books, but I didn't push hard to PUBLICIZE it. MARKET it. So what good is the book if no one really reads it other than my small circle of friends and fans? And 5 of those pounds I gained back during my struggles in November with family death/sickness. I gotta get on my grind. Not just go hard, but go my HARDEST!!!! I'm putting it out there to hold myself accountable, and to hold you accountable for holding me accountable.

This year:

I'm gonna release 15 more pounds, and keep it release!!!!!! Which isn't tough considering I used to be an 18 and now I'm a 12. I want to be a 10, borderline 8, so I have to gain control over my emotional eating and learn to deal with death in a more healthy manner. I will go back to those good habits I lost, like avoiding fast, fried foods, processed foods, and white pasta and bread. At work, I will commit to sitting at my desk, listen to Jill Scott and eat my lunch slowly and consciously, because I deserve those few minutes in the middle of my day. I will be teaching a workout class twice a week, so that's great. I will challenge myself with yoga, consistently. I have to return to my strength and resistance training. I will workout 5days a week...PERIOD!

I am going to find a way to finance publicizing my books. I will travel out of state to spread it around. For my 32nd birthday, I will release my memoir, which I think I may want to look into getting an agent for. I gotta get to my girl Oprah before she goes off the air. I love my fan base here, but I want the world to read and be inspired by my poetry and stories. I will visit my friend's cities first, to make connects. I will continue to be a walking advertisement for my art. I will have to do fewer shows for free so I can finance my dreams, time is precious. This also means fewer dunkin' donuts and more coffee brewing.

I will focus more on prayer and stillness so that I can be centered as I push myself to soar to great heights. So that I will have patience with my son, my family, my students, my friends, and myself. Every morning I will stretch, meditate, thank Jesus, and read everything on my vision board outloud as a reminder to be productive that day.

I will tell people I love them when I do. I've been through so much losing people, and I have to realize I have no control over that. I can only control how much I love them and how I show them while they are here.

I will take risks with my career path. I will either enroll in an administrator program to become a principle, or find a doctorate program. I will establish my youth program as a legal entity. I will not let fear allow me to procrastinate any longer. (But to be honest, I'm so set on reaching my goals as a writer, my future career steps are not quite crystal clear; I know I can't stay still.)

In my efforts to live a long healthy life....I am giving up hard liquor! What?? Yes, I am. I will still indulge occasionally in a Corona Light, or some Lambrusco (or Reisling, or Pino), but I am serious. It's a bunch of empty calories, and then it slows me down the next day, which means that I am being less productive.

I think that's all...for now. It's actually not a lot if I take it one day at a time, and know that you can only break habits if you make new ones.

I wish the best for you all and just want you to really LIVE. It's never too late to live out your dreams as long as you're breathing. So find yourself, and make it happen!

Finding your voice

This is the first story I wrote. Since I was eight years old I knew I wanted to be a writer. I am a lucky one. When I was twenty, I discovered another voice, working with youth. I am a lucky one. There are people today who are still lost and trying to figure out where they fit in this big tapestry called life. There are people making big bucks but go home unfulfilled. There are people who make nothing and are still unfulfilled. Me, I've got my share of bills that get paid the day of shut off, and major projects I can't afford to do on my house, but I love my job! All of them. Teaching high school students who don't see school as a priority is tough stuff, but at the end of my day, I am exhausted and content. And I love to write poems and perform them. Not only are they therapy for me, but every now and then, I get to touch the life of another.

Have you found your voice? What is it? How do you know? If even you don't know what kind of job you want, what field do you belong in? What makes you happy? If you figure that out, stop making excuses and pursue it.