Magic

There is something magical about walking in your purpose. Equally it’s disconcerting and chaotic when you are not walking in your purpose. For some reason there is this notion that those who are successful, (happy, doing what they love and getting paid for it ) are lucky or special. Truth is, we are all special. What distinguishes those of us who appear to have these fulfilling lives and those who are miserable and lost is …purpose.
 Since I was little I also wanted to perform and at 8  I  declared that I would be an author. I am an artist in its truest form. But when I was 20 years old  it all clicked for me when I got my first job at a community center. I quickly found what I was meant to do and that is to inspire and motivate others, in particular youth and women. I know this because even when I’m exhausted, put me  in room of teens or women and I come alive. And don’t let me have a stage, because then it’s on! 
Almost 20 years later, I’m at the threshold of 40, and I’ve come to realize that I am supposed use my art and my stage presence as a tool to reach those souls that truly need me. It’s this kind of clarity that guides me daily in my thought and actions. Though this work can be emotionally daunting, I take my responsibility seriously. That’s right, your purpose is your responsibility, it is why you are here. When you don’t understand the why, then it is impossible get to a how, or when or where. I see it all the time, people who bounce from job to job, school to school, certificate to certificate just to be doing something. That’s cool if you are happy, but if you find yourself feeling lost and unsure, it’s time to  make some changes.  Sure, it’s definitely easier said than done; shoot, I stumbled upon my purpose. It found me when I wasn’t even looking. But if you are looking, searching for that one thing, let me assure you won’t find it in a romantic relationship (that’s another post, on another day). But here are a few tips to get you headed in the right direction:

1.       Identify what you are good at doing.

 What ability or talent are you totally confident about? It you’re not sure, ask the people who care about you. Sometimes you are adept at things you may not even be aware of. Make a list.

2.       Identify what gives you pleasure and joy. 

Maybe you enjoy being alone, or in a room full of people. Perhaps you find happiness in what others may see as chores.  What gives you the tingles?

3.       Be open to new experiences.

 Anytime there’s an opportunity presents itself to go some  place you’ve never been or learn a new skill, take it. Even if it doesn’t become your career or you don’t discover your purpose, you may meet someone who will a guide for you on journey to find your purpose.

Number 4 is not a necessity because I believe purpose does not equal day job. But if you can:

 Find a way to generate income from whatever it is you love to do.  In today’s world if the position doesn’t exist, you can create it yourself.

 

What are you waiting for?  Go find your magic!

Aristo...what????

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am aristoway. See part of me is reminiscent of an aristocrat, in that I carry myself like nobility. I am an educated woman who seems to be living the American dream…career, home ownership, opportunity. I read books (and write them too), I mentor, and I give back to the community. Hell, I don’t litter. I don’t care about flashy, pricey clothes, expensive cars or any other thing that might be stereotypically connected to someone of my upbringing. Many of my peers are in the same boat financially, educationally, etc.  Additionally, I try to surround myself around people who are going places, and not ones who are stagnant. But at the end of the day, my mother was born in the rural South, my great-grandfather was a sharecropper and son of a slave, and I was raised in a predominantly Black neighborhood, or what we call “the hood.”


I lived in the projects and drank 40 ounces.I've fought on the street, had family against family royal rumbles.  My aunt buying a home was a big deal. Me graduating from a four-year college was a big deal. Me being the first in my family with a Master’s, even bigger deal. This is where the away part comes in. At the heart of it all, I’m still L.L Cool J’s eternal ‘Round Away Girl. I can “break hearts and manipulate minds, or surrender act tender is gentle and kind.” In a good pair of shoes, I can “walk with a switch and talk with street slang.” This book and street smart combo have actually helped me with my career, but for the rest of my life, I will float back and forth between both sides.

On one hand, I'm disgusted with bad hair weaves ('cause I keep mine is tight), or people who spend more money on labels than they can afford. I despise women who date drug dealers once they are over the age of 25. I am angered by people stuck in the short term thinking, people who are satisfied with government handouts and swear they are “independent”. Those who are young (19 to 24) I try to lead, for those who are my age I avoid. (Hmmm...maybe I should try to shed some light their way???) . I have little patience for people who make excuses and are shaming our ancestors.

But then there’s the ToyaB who understands the struggle; that the system is set up to fail us. I am Pro-Black, viva revolution all day when comes disadvantages and injustice to our people.  I understand why it's easier to not try. Then there’s Latoya who says, so what? Prove them wrong. Back and forth.

Sometimes ToyaB takes over completely; I start talking loud, using my hands, spittin’ derogatory terms, dropping F bombs. Sometimes I find myself reverting back to ToyaB, ready to whip some ass, becoming confrontational and caring less about people’s feelings. (Luckily Latoya reminds her that she has a job she doesn’t want to lose otherwise I would have caught a case a long time ago.)

As I said before, sometimes it’s an advantage when I’m trying to reach youth. I can understand and show them that there is life beyond torn down buildings, and the block.  Then other times it feels like I stumble when I have a hood moment or though. After I snap back to reality and accept that I had a moment I say " Oh Well!" But this is who I am, an aristoaway. This is why I am wonderfully imperfect and full of complexity. This is why I will always be Latoya and ToyaB