Fake love, No Love

 I forgot all about the Billboard awards  on TV, but it was no coincidence that as soon as turned the channel Drake was accepting his first award of the night. He spoke about a so called “friend” who didn’t support him because the "friend" felt that he got enough love from other people. Immediately I could relate. I've had people not compliment me because I already know I’m cute, people not support me they figure everyone else is, or because they don’t want me my head to get bigger. I have several responses for this type of nonsense. Firstly, there are only a few people’s opinions that matter to me, so chances are a compliment or a throw of shade will not affect my high ass level of self-esteem. This is not a front, I know I’m fabulous! Secondly, because soooo many other people support me, you can’t? Really? True friends support regardless of who doesn’t. Thirdly, why don’t you admit that this isn’t about me, or the “so many” other people who support me, it’s you being a straight HATER.   Maybe it’s not necessarily that you want to be me, but you want to be LIKE me, out here loving me and chasing my dreams. And since you can’t love yourself, how can you possibly love me correctly? You can’t, so float on.

Yes, it would be that easy for me because the older I get the less tolerance I have for people who aren’t authentic and who are so caught up in their own insecurities it distracts them from living their lives to the fullest, and having healthy relationships. And furthermore, it’s exhausting always having to carry people and all their baggage. No ma’am, not in 2017. Not anymore, not ever.

Magic

There is something magical about walking in your purpose. Equally it’s disconcerting and chaotic when you are not walking in your purpose. For some reason there is this notion that those who are successful, (happy, doing what they love and getting paid for it ) are lucky or special. Truth is, we are all special. What distinguishes those of us who appear to have these fulfilling lives and those who are miserable and lost is …purpose.
 Since I was little I also wanted to perform and at 8  I  declared that I would be an author. I am an artist in its truest form. But when I was 20 years old  it all clicked for me when I got my first job at a community center. I quickly found what I was meant to do and that is to inspire and motivate others, in particular youth and women. I know this because even when I’m exhausted, put me  in room of teens or women and I come alive. And don’t let me have a stage, because then it’s on! 
Almost 20 years later, I’m at the threshold of 40, and I’ve come to realize that I am supposed use my art and my stage presence as a tool to reach those souls that truly need me. It’s this kind of clarity that guides me daily in my thought and actions. Though this work can be emotionally daunting, I take my responsibility seriously. That’s right, your purpose is your responsibility, it is why you are here. When you don’t understand the why, then it is impossible get to a how, or when or where. I see it all the time, people who bounce from job to job, school to school, certificate to certificate just to be doing something. That’s cool if you are happy, but if you find yourself feeling lost and unsure, it’s time to  make some changes.  Sure, it’s definitely easier said than done; shoot, I stumbled upon my purpose. It found me when I wasn’t even looking. But if you are looking, searching for that one thing, let me assure you won’t find it in a romantic relationship (that’s another post, on another day). But here are a few tips to get you headed in the right direction:

1.       Identify what you are good at doing.

 What ability or talent are you totally confident about? It you’re not sure, ask the people who care about you. Sometimes you are adept at things you may not even be aware of. Make a list.

2.       Identify what gives you pleasure and joy. 

Maybe you enjoy being alone, or in a room full of people. Perhaps you find happiness in what others may see as chores.  What gives you the tingles?

3.       Be open to new experiences.

 Anytime there’s an opportunity presents itself to go some  place you’ve never been or learn a new skill, take it. Even if it doesn’t become your career or you don’t discover your purpose, you may meet someone who will a guide for you on journey to find your purpose.

Number 4 is not a necessity because I believe purpose does not equal day job. But if you can:

 Find a way to generate income from whatever it is you love to do.  In today’s world if the position doesn’t exist, you can create it yourself.

 

What are you waiting for?  Go find your magic!

BAD ASS!

This photo represents one BADASS woman who is feeling fearless, optimistic, confident, and blessed! 10 years ago, I was riddled with apprehension about my future, consumed with thoughts of what if I am next?  Next to have breast cancer. And in my vanity, I thought about losing my cleavage, my hair, my eyes brows…my life. I reasoned with myself, girl you can get new boobs, and you wear weaves and wigs anyway. They are just body parts. But still, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I was still afraid.

                Now that I’m over 30, with my cancer-filled family history, it’s time to face facts and be preventative. I’ve been doing Breast Self-Exams since I was 12 because if you know my story, you are aware that my mother succumbed to breast cancer at only 23. Her mother and one of her sisters also battled ovarian cancer and died in their 50’s. Science has found that there is a link between the two. So in addition to the mammograms that began at 30, last month I sought genetic testing. Apparently, this BRCA testing can identify two genes that will predict my chances for developing either or both. What this means for me is that if the test results are positive, I have an 87% of developing breast cancer. Whoa! Right?  (A lot higher than the 8% chance the rest of the female population has) I will also have about a 50% chance of developing ovarian cancer throughout my lifetime.  As scary as it sounds, thanks once again to science, there are options for how to deal with it, which includes having all of the above mentioned removed and a bit of reconstructive surgery.  But before I jump to conclusions, I will have to wait to get the results in a few weeks.

                Facing my own mortality has somehow put a little more oomph in my already vibrant spirit.  My thinking has changed so much over the years, from thoughts of doom to assurance; mostly because I’m living in my purpose EVERY SINGLE DAY. So while many people are searching aimlessly for theirs, I discovered mine around the same age my mother was when she passed away. I am living for all of those who did not.  I have legacy on my shoulders to carry, one that I don’t find burdensome, but more like honorable. So this is why I will hold nothing back and continue to be the BADASS I was destined! Shine on!