Whatever the Hell I Please

                  


It’s tax season and social media has been flooded with 

memes, some hilarious, some not so much. There are the ones about fat or ugly girls having men they supposedly wouldn’t ever be able to attract otherwise. Then there are those, which I’m guilty of laughing at, showing how women look before and after taxes, from weaves to furs and anything else you can imagine. While I have what I believe to be a great sense of humor, the feminist single mother in me cannot help but be offended by some actual written about posts about how we choose to spend our money,  or our audacity not to split the child income credit with our “baby daddy”. While I’m sure every case is different, I’m writing on behalf of the many women I know.  It’s my damn money and I will do what the hell I please!!! 
 As someone who has been in different tax brackets, I have strong feelings about this. When I was living in subsidized housing, with my fuel assistance and Medicaid, I received the EIC (Earned Income Credit) for my son. I was a full-time student who delivered pizzas, substitute taught and did whatever I needed to do pay bills. When I got that tax check, I treated myself to some new clothes to prepare myself for the professional world, bought my son things I normally couldn’t afford and gave money to my babysitters who kept my son for free all year while I worked. I also redecorated my apartment, switching out my son’s toddler size mattress to a twin bed, or upgrading a furniture set or TV ( that was a hand me down) to something newer. It felt good to have that extra money when there were times I was searching my couch cushions for loose change just to have enough for my son's lunch money. One year I used that extra money to buy a new car so that I could stop driving pieces of junk that constantly needed oil, brake fluid, coolant, tires, a jump start or a tow.  Then for two years in a row, I saved my money to use for a down payment on a house so I could get the hell out of the projects.  Fast forward years later, I apparently make too much money for the EIC. Still, I look forward to the benefits of tax season and my substantial refund.  Daycare for my toddler is $500 a month,  I’m paying back money from the my students loans, and I’m an owner of a historic home which is constantly being upgraded for myself and my tenant.  When I get my money, I treat myself first to clothes and shoes, do some home improvements and redecorating, save some, pay ahead some bills and... whatever the hell else I please! 
 A woman should not be condemned for what she does with her tax money, especially not by her “baby daddy”  because he pays child support. Child support??? Please! Unless you’re a celebrity dropping thousands monthly, child support for many of the women I know only pays for sneakers, or haircuts, maybe daycare. And then I know men who only buy their kids "what they need” because they don’t want to put money in a woman’s hands? What a joke! All year long your child needs food, electricity, hot water, heat, and if you’re lucky cable so they can watch Nick Jr.  But it’s the mother who is put down because she wants to treat herself to a mani and pedi, or a new hairdo? Again, I know there are outliers, extremes on both ends, but I’m writing for the many hardworking single mothers who didn’t plan on raising babies alone, and we deserve more respect. Instead of condemning her, why not help her out?  Expose her to some financial options or programs, teach some skills, lend a helping hand, be an emotional support system. 
While today  I'm in a much better place than I was 10 or 15 years ago, I know that the struggle is more than real, it can be  continuous, lonely and exhausting.

This is why every other year I host the She got H.E.R.S conference for young women, mothers or not. We all need a little guidance and encouragement!

Boss??????

Lately, I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot of females refer to themselves as bosses. Boss lady, boss bitch, boss whatever. This is one bandwagon I just can’t jump on, for several reasons. First, because there are many who use the term and don’t necessarily live by it. You may have red bottom shoes, a hot car, jewelry, trips, fine dining, know some celebrities, etc.  But are you really the BOSS of your own destiny? Are you in control of your life or just floating through life? Madame CJ Walker was boss! Mary McLeod Bethune was a Boss! Those are the standards which I would hold myself to if I were to use the title. They left legacies, they empowered their sisters.  Secondly, I have nothing to prove. I don’t need to label myself as someone in a position of power, I live by it. I see every day the influence I can have over my children, my students, my mentees, just by doing what I do: setting goals, reaching them, helping others to do the same, living with integrity. Thirdly, and most importantly, even if you are an entrepreneur, businesswoman, or store owner, it’s just a title. Which goes back to number one and number two; no amount of money or status will make you a boss. Who are you uplifting for the sake of uplifting, and not just for personal, financial, political gain? In the end, it’s not about power, it’s about EMPOWERMENT. So shout out to the “Boss” whatever. Me I’ll just be Brenda’s Child.

Madame CJ Walker

Mary McLeod Bethune

What's that saying?

Oh yeah, it's something like, if you want to make God laugh, make plans.  It's been over two months since my last entry because I've been busy....growing life (and vomiting) that's right, Brenda's Child is with child! Are you as shocked as I am? Then again I guess I shouldn't be because if you read my post about the tarot card reading I received back in July, the woman told me she saw a baby for me and the man I was with. Funny, I only seem to focus on the stuff I wanted to remember from the reading...like all of the money I am going to make off of my words!  
 I won't turn this blog into a pregnancy one, it will still be about all my complexities, which will become more complex since I'm becoming a mom again after 14 years. In some ways it will be easier, I'm older, wiser, more established, and I know what to expect. The hard part is, I know what to expect. I love babies, but pregnancy and labor suck to me. Some people say they love it, me... not so much. I give props to both of my grandmothers for birthing eight babies each, with no epidural! I'm telling you, we are not made like that anymore.
My first time being a mom was difficult because I had to go to college full time and work full time. Looking back, I really can't believe I did it, starting 4 weeks after delivery! This time I have stable employment with maternity leave (AWESOME). The downside is I am forced to slow down...Zumba, traveling, and writing.

As I approach my second trimester this week, I'm hoping my energy will pick up and I'll be back to hustling (so can make the other prediction about the money come true).