If you know me, then you know I suffered loss at an early
age. In the past I felt deprived times two for losing my mother at 4 and my
grandmother at 13. But the older I get, and the more self-reflective I become,
I realize that through some sort of divine design, I had the opportunity to be
molded by numerous beautiful, powerful, loving Black women, a few who have been
completely pivotal.
My Ga-Ga
Who I write about extensively in my memoir,
planted the seed of self-esteem in me by making me feel everything I did was
wonderful. Her love and nurturing built the foundation for the Queen of
Self-esteem.
My paternal
grandmother
When I used to spend the night at her house she was hardly there at
night. She was hanging with her friends. She was out doing her thing. You know
why, because she had raised her 8 kids. In my grandmother I learned that there
is no honor in self-sacrificing and that as a mother who took care of everyone else,
there was nothing wrong in taking me time. Yasssss!
My maternal aunts
My aunt Gloria
The
image that will never leave my head is of playing outside and seeing her come
walking down the street in a business suit and sneakers with her shoes in a
bag. I thought it was fabulous, she was career woman, a mom and a wife. That image of her found its way in my subconscious.
I could do it all if I wanted.
My aunt Saundra
She was the original Carrie from Sex in the
City. Always dressed up and going out. But she also had a career. What I remember
most about my childhood was that she would have relationship, but when she was
no longer feeling it, she would bounce, leave, come back home if she needed to.
Through her I learned that you don’t have to settle. She never settled, she got
just what she wanted in a man, and he supports her career.
My aunt Sharon
As the youngest, she was the one who had the birds and bees talk
with me and my friends. She was young, cool, and smart. Her man was fine, so
what she said had to be true. Even more importantly, when I was 12, she took
and in my room and taught me about breast self-exams. It was the beginning
about me being hyper vigilant about my health.
My aunt Gwen a.k.a Two Cent
She passed away suddenly at age 36. She taught me
about the brevity of life cherishing each moment. As a fellow poet we shared a
love of arts and music. To this day when I hear the reggae tune, "Baby Can I hold
you” I think of her. She was not afraid of being different. Neither am I.
Carol (Hoffman) Sullivan
I truly don’t think I would have made it out of high school or adolescence
without her. I was in such a dark,
secret place but she brought me out of it with her wit, her intelligence,
beauty and empathy. And she looked me. ME who looked like no one with light
eyes and light hair. Such an important thing for growing girls to see. ( If you have a picture of her, I'll take it).
Natalie Dorm
As my tutor, she was not for me playing small. I was intelligent, and I
needed to embrace it. As an adult and colleague, she taught me that being an educator means
speaking up about what matters, how to make English class something students would
grow to love if you aren’t afraid to step outside the box. After watching her,
I never stayed in the box.
Dora Robinson
She taught me the importance of leadership and
empowering other women. She did it by leading by example. She is the one who
put me on my path of working with young people, simply because she wanted to
help a single mom and college student who worked late nights at a gas station.
She showed me how to play the game and win!
Marjorie Hurst
She is the one who, after a year of writing for her newspaper asked, “when are you going to make a book?” She planted a seed that sprouted into 11 publications to date. She also taught me the importance of networking. Had her son and I not been close friends, she wouldn’t have gotten my resume put to the top of a pile for what has been my career for 14 years.
Essie Lee
My eldest son’s grandmother taught me about
resilience. We both lost our mothers at a young age and were raised by family.
She was tough but loving, like me. When her son and I broke up, she gave me the
best advice. She told me that even and especially when I’m feeling my worst,
dress up. Never let them see you down. Today I still do it. When I’m
sad, or sick, lipstick and heels make it better, if only a little.
Tammy Marie
My eldest son’s
aunt helped me balance the tomboy in me as a young woman. As a woman 7 years
older than me, she taught me that even being
a tomboy, I could still smell delectable, and turn on the sexy when needed. To
this day, I sleep in nothing, but sexy clothes and I always smell amazing if I don’t
say so myself.
Of course, I continue
to be shaped by women my age and elders from the present and past (perhaps I’ll
share in another post). However, where I am right now, today, is because of the
women who led by example. So how can I not? Cheers to #blackgirlmagic.
