Pu$$y Bashing

I love me some reality television. I mean, it’s so fake, you can’t help but get caught up in it so that you can escape your own reality. Like last week millions of viewers tuned into the Tami Roman vs Evelyn  Lozada battle on Basketball Wives, knowing full and well it was all hype and we would not get the action they teased us with through promos and marathons from previous seasons.

 

 As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until the last 3 minutes of the show that I raised an eye brow, tilted my head to  the side and mouthed “huh?”   I’m not even going to go into the  background details of their ridiculously trivial beef, you can google it. Basically Tami said Evelyn was hoe because she screwed her way through the NBA, MLB, and NFL, referring to her very public relationships.  I must admit I was disappointed in Tami’s comment (although I do love a good read from her every now and then) because it was total bullshit. I know women who have slept with 3 men in month, never mind a decade. And even if she slept with them all in one day…that’s her business. She is a grown ass woman.  I wrote about this before.  Apparently it's still an issue.

Some argue that the point isn’t that Evelyn slept with various men but that they were all rich athletes. Well, who are we to point the finger? It’s all about your circle. Some women repeatedly date actors or musicians, or street pharmacists. Me, I’m still a sucka for a blue collar ex-thug in a uniform. As I’ve grown older my palate had changed a bit, but hey, we like who we like. Why can’t she like a man who can buy her great shoes, and travels out of town often so she doesn’t have to be bothered? (I really don’t know her reasoning nor do I care). My point is, we already must reject these misogynistic mindsets from women-hating "men", but why in the hell do we have to defend ourselves to other women? Unless a woman is sleeping with your man, who she beds each night
(or day) is up for no one to judge;even if she’s on national television. It’s your pussy, Evelyn, do what you please.

1 year later

It’s been a year (actually a little more than a year) since Toya

 the remix. I feel like I died and was born again on that day 

because my life has never been the same. Even when I  look 

at pictures of me I think "that was before the surgery."

First of all, I’m so much more appreciative of the brevity of life and the idea that at any second, it can all be over. So I’m all about living in the moment, taking chances, and not dealing with bullshit.  If a person, place or thing doesn’t bring me joy, then why involve myself?  Secondly, my body acceptance level is at an all-time high, I appreciate my body’s ability to repair itself.  During my first week home, I remembering   feeling like   I would never ever recover, never be strong again.   Mentally I am so much stronger, physically,   I’m still workin on it.  Each day gets better.   There are still days in which I feel a sting in my left  breast from scar tissue if I move the wrong way, I still have weakened muscles  in my abdominal wall which cause a hideous bulge to the lower right. If I stand too long, walk to long, it sticks out and hardens. It’s not a hernia, but it resembles one. It will be re-examined   when I go for my follow up next month. In the meantime, I’m celebrating my health by completing a 5k mud race for the American Cancer Society this weekend.

 If I have to complain, which I try not to, I will say that I feel

 somewhat ASEXUAL. Menopause topped with a complete 

of sensation in my noobies ( new boobs)  has my libido 

NONEXISTENT.  When I’m  dressed, I feel sexy. Even when I 

look at my body naked, aesthetically, I like what I see, but it’s 

the FEELING …the feeling of being a sexual being that is 

absent. 

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS TMI: how does one go 

about becoming aroused when they are consumed with the 

thought of vaginal dryness (even though lubricant is 

available) and the fact that what used to turn you on (nipple 

stimulation) is no longer an option? This is my current 

struggle. This is why I’m just not into sex with myself or 

anyone for that matter. At least not right now.  

Sex is H.E.R.S

Let’s talk about sex. Okay, not so much sex as much as sexual empowerment.

This topic has come up recently since I’ll be hosting an erotic poetry event. As I spoke to people about this at various networking events, some were surprised that I would be a part of such things. I politely explained on more than one occasion that female empowerment is political, psychological, spiritual and definitely physical. As a matter of fact, the older I get the more I strongly I feel about the physical. 

I remember  valuing my virginity as a teenager. I held onto it until I was almost 18.  Once my 5-year relationship was over, I was determined to limit my number of partners to the number of fingers I had on one hand. When I surpassed that, I remember lying to men who asked how many I had been with so as not taint the image they had of me. Then I grew a little older, and while I had not reached my toes yet in terms of numbers, when I was honest about the number of partners I had, it was held over my head consistently. 

Why is it that women are made to feel that their value is somehow lessened by the number of men they slept with, casual or not? I had safe sex, great sex, not so great sex, and I don’t believe in regrets. Now I’m not saying women should just throw their “gifts” around in the name of empowerment, but what I am saying is that if you value yourself, and your body,  you're safe, it's consensual  and you get all of your regular screenings, it’s none of anyone’s business who you sleep with. 

Now that I’m close to forty and I pity the next man that even shapes his mouth to ask me how many men I’ve slept with. In the words of Beyoncé: