I am a woman... do you know what that means? That I'm wonderfully imperfect, and full of complexity. There are many layers to my femininity and you can't begin to love me, until you try to understand me.
Now I see why they say ignorance is bliss because being “woke” is exhausting as f%#k ! It means that when you hear throwback songs, you recognize the misogynistic, pedophilic lyrics and can no longer stomach R.Kelly’s Bump and Grind, or you freeze when you catch Biggie’s lyrics “Kickin’ the doorway in the fourth floor, all I heard was Biggie don’t hit me no more.” ( Like damn dude, you doing all of that because she cheated?) It's side eye to guys who want you to call them Daddy or think a woman's pubic region should be completely bare...like dude really, I'm not 10! It means caring about rights…your rights, LGBT rights, women’s rights and civil rights. It means that you become painfully aware of “isms” and the harm they cause others. It means microagressions become MACRO. Then having to decide whether to respond with an all out read or a clever clapback. It means that instead of just blaming people for their problems, you analyze all of the systematic factors affecting them. You think globally, lay awake at night with images from the news, even though you know the media distorts EVERYTHING. And once you know, you can’t un-know, which creates this sense of responsibility…to act. Speak up. Educate. Participate. Advocate. See what I mean? That shit's exhausting. Guess I better rest up because the next 3 years 11 months will require all of that and more.
Let’s talk about sex. Okay, not so much sex as much as sexual empowerment.
This topic has come up recently since I’ll be hosting an erotic poetry event. As I spoke to people about this at various networking events, some were surprised that I would be a part of such things. I politely explained on more than one occasion that female empowerment is political, psychological, spiritual and definitely physical. As a matter of fact, the older I get the more I strongly I feel about the physical.
I remember valuing my virginity as a teenager. I held onto it until I was almost 18. Once my 5-year relationship was over, I was determined to limit my number of partners to the number of fingers I had on one hand. When I surpassed that, I remember lying to men who asked how many I had been with so as not taint the image they had of me. Then I grew a little older, and while I had not reached my toes yet in terms of numbers, when I was honest about the number of partners I had, it was held over my head consistently.
Why is it that women are made to feel that their value is somehow lessened by the number of men they slept with, casual or not? I had safe sex, great sex, not so great sex, and I don’t believe in regrets. Now I’m not saying women should just throw their “gifts” around in the name of empowerment, but what I am saying is that if you value yourself, and your body, you're safe, it's consensual and you get all of your regular screenings, it’s none of anyone’s business who you sleep with.
Now that I’m close to forty and I pity the next man that even shapes his mouth to ask me how many men I’ve slept with. In the words of Beyoncé:
