Postpone the Boycott

As much as I am a fan of solidarity, I will not be joining in on the boycott of Dove products. Not just because I recently purchased a three pack of the beauty bar. And my refusal to boycott isn’t because I’m obsessed with how my 6 year old smells after he bathes with it, or its “ ¼cup of moisturizing cream.” It’s bigger than that. First of all, I love their empowerment campaign for girls. Secondly, I see how Dove has continuously tries to celebrate diversity in body size, age and skin color.

Sure, they’ve failed in the past, and more recently they failed miserably with their wash away the dirty black skin ad. But I don’t think it was intentional. Suspect, but not intentional. However, it does bring up a point. If Dove wants to celebrate diversity, where the hell was their Dre Johnson from Blackish when they were sitting around brainstorming?

Why wasn’t there at least one woke ass Black person at the table telling whoever shared that idea that it was racially insensitive as FUCK. I mean, what good are diversity ads if there  is no diversity behind the scenes and up the executive ladder?  

I’m hoping that after being called out like they sooooo rightfully deserved, Dove will make some changes.  Major changes. But who knows, maybe I’m wrong and they really do think we’re dirty, or that our skin is “dark” and not “normal.” But because I’m consumed with combatting so much other extreme hatred & racial injustice, if Dove wants me to boycott them, they are going to have to be a bit more blatant.  

Check your Bags

 My work with young people who have experienced trauma has opened my eyes to the traumatic experiences that many adults (friends, family and strangers) have dealt with and continue to do so daily. This ability to empathize with their struggles has made me much less judgmental and a better listener and understanding my own trauma is why I choose to do what I do. I write about it in more extensively in my memoir. But there are so many people who have yet to address their trauma and it’s a detriment to their health and happiness. Some people drag their baggage around everywhere they go, some try to force others to carry their load. Then there are those who wear all of it like they are trauma brand models.  Oh, and let us not forgot who try to disguise the baggage as fancy accessories, concealing the pain and hurt. In the end, none of it does us any good. While everyone is not going to go for their checkup from the neck up as I previously suggested, there are steps you can take to begin to unpack.

1.   Be present-  Especially when you are about to make a decision. What is it you are doing or are about to do? Pay attention to your body’s physical response and ask yourself why. As someone who struggled with eating disorders in the past this has helped me significantly with my emotional eating.  I ask myself why I really want to order Chinese take out, is it because I’m stressed out about work, or a project? Possibly feeling resentful towards someone? Or is it because I’m hungry and I haven’t had any in a while and I really just want some beef teriyaki?

2.   Reflect instead of deflect- Particularly after a conflict or in a moment of regret. Have you looked at the situation from the other person’s perspective? Was there something you could have done or said differently (in my case it has been that maybe I shouldn’t have said anything)? Ask that WHY once more. Why did you respond that way? What were you feeling? Were you hurt or embarrassed? What were you trying to obtain in that moment?

3.   Reframe your negative experiences- I actually have a full workshop on how to do this. It’s basically the step following reflection. You try to determine the lesson in the experience and find a silver lining. You got laid off?  Perhaps it’s because it’s time for you to chase that dream you’ve been putting off? How has your pain helped you become stronger, or set a positive example of resilience for others?

Our baggage plays a major role and how we came to be who we are today but it doesn’t have to dictate who we will be tomorrow. That is totally up to you!

WOKE and Tired

Now I see why they say ignorance is bliss because being “woke” is exhausting as f%#k !   It means that when you hear  throwback songs, you recognize the misogynistic, pedophilic lyrics and can no longer stomach R.Kelly’s   Bump and Grind, or you freeze when you catch Biggie’s lyrics “Kickin’ the doorway in the fourth floor, all I heard was Biggie don’t hit me no more.”  ( Like damn dude, you doing all of that because she cheated?)  It's side eye to guys who want you to call them Daddy or think a woman's pubic region should be completely bare...like dude really, I'm not 10!
 It means caring about rights…your rights, LGBT rights, women’s rights and civil rights. It means that you become painfully aware of  “isms” and the harm they cause others. It means microagressions become MACRO. Then having to decide whether to respond with an all out read or a clever clapback.

It means that instead of just blaming people for their  problems, you analyze all of the systematic factors affecting them. You think globally,  lay awake at night with images from the news, even though you know the media distorts EVERYTHING.  And once you know, you can’t un-know, which creates this sense of responsibility…to act. 
Speak up. Educate. Participate. Advocate. 
See what I mean?  That shit's exhausting. Guess I better rest up because the next 3 years 11 months will require all of that and more.