The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Yesterday I didn't get up when my alarm clock went off, so I lost 20 to 25 minutes of preparation, including breakfast.  It was snowing outside and the ride to work was long and treacherous. My teenage son was defending his failure to do chores through text messages. my toddler had been up all night complaining if growing pains. So I had McDonald’s and drank coffee, and Diet Coke and Pepsi (I know so bad). And I ordered a pastrami grinder with potato chips for lunch, just because I knew it would feel good. All to stay awake so I could work on my research (through my lunch and my break) so I can get one step closer to becoming Dr.Boz.  By the end of the day, I’d run out of steam. I mean I was too tired to even drink my Thursday night glass of Cabernet. On top of that, I had a headache and cramps, and it was cold outside. I was exhausted and cranky. But I was supposed to continue working on my writing which is due in a week. Instead, I decided to change into my sweats, take two ibuprofen, and drink tons and tons of water, and some decaf green tea.  I whipped up some quick chili for the family then I turned the lights down low, got lost in some mindless “reality” TV. When I got sleepy, I went to sleep. Robert Roberts once said that her mother told her,  "When you are having a bad day, just go to bed." I told myself that if I slept well tonight I would have more energy to keep fight tomorrow. 

Robin's mother was right. I was right. I woke this morning, made my eggs, and a healthy, vitamin-filled shake with almond milk for lunch.  I felt energized and yes, ready to finish that work. I feel so good that I had to write this post to share my take away from the last 24 hours.

 First, sometimes you just have to stop and take a break from whatever it is to rejuvenate, clear your head. Balance will be restored naturally. I ate horribly yesterday and drank horribly, but today I’m craving good stuff. My attitude was horrible, not just because of PMS, but also because I was frustrated with the challenges I was facing. When I get overwhelmed, I become a bit snappy, I become lethargic. Secondly, I was reminded that everything is temporary. The fact is I will have some major writing to do this weekend, but next Friday, I will be done. Sometimes we have to focus on the end result instead of dwelling on the struggle. When you are sinking you have to put your energy into swimming to land, not into the thoughts of drowning. #ICanDoThis

Whew...

My first week back at work after 2 months, and guess what I’m still learning…yup…how to surrender! While I thought I suffered from a lack of sleep over the last few months, reality really hit this week. See, when I was on maternity leave, I could go back to sleep in the mid-morning. Now when my bookas ( my baby)  wakes up at 5am, we have to stay up and get ready to venture out so I can be at work by 7:15. So All week I’ve been getting about 4 to 5 hours of sleep.   
   I thought I would spring into things and fully become the old me... Work, home, and gym, after eating well all day and drinking plenty of water. NOPE! Instead, it’s 3 cups of coffee a day, a glass of wine at night, no gym at all, and take out for breakfast, sometimes skipping lunch or sucking down something like Taco Bell so I can catch-up on my lesson planning. ( I brought water to work every day and drank only half of it. Totally not my style, I usually drown myself in water).
     After only stopping to pee all day, I leave work at 2:30 and it’s off to home to do chores, pick up my son from practice, help my nephew with homework, figure out what the hell we are having for dinner, and spend time with my baby (who misses mommy. ) I’m tired just writing about it. My first instinct was to trip, flip, and breakdown. Stamp my feet and say…I can’t do this!!!!!. But something as simple as a hot shower at the end of the day or India Aire in the morning changes all of that and puts things into perspective. There is no longer an old me. So what do I do? I re-invent myself to adapt to my new life. The inner me, the dreamer, the poet, the dancer, the make it happener (okay not a word) are still the essence of who I am, but I have to re-adjust.



I decided to just survive this first week, get into the hang of things, get the timing right, figure out what works and what doesn’t, so that next week I can not just survive but actually feel accomplished when I‘m done. This meant looking past laundry that needed to be done, leaving the baby’s pj’s on the bed until I get home (instead of feeling like they had to be put in the hamper), and being okay with leaving the flat iron in the bathroom, or the iron on the kitchen table. The world won’t end if the house is out of order until I come home.

Now that it’s Thursday and I feel like I made it, I’m ready for some more re-adjustments. So next week I will replace two of those coffees with decaf green tea, and find time to drink water while I’m at work besides just at lunch. Besides I'm sure my students won't mind if I stop talking for a few minutes.  I pledge to get in some exercise which I know is my best source of energy, at least once a day. Even if it’s just some jumping jacks while waiting for my hot water to boil! I went shopping last night to buy me some healthy snacks and lunch…no more skipping meals! That’s all I’m asking of myself. Just a little bit of my time to improve my quality of life, be my best self and more importantly keep my sanity in my new crazy life.